Tips
for visitors June 23, 2006
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As the high season approaches, Atención offers two articles (see p59) that may help our readers in their dealings with houseguests. |
By Teresa
Lemon Shepro
Dear Future Houseguest,
I have prepared this information sheet to assist you in your visit.
San Miguel de Allende is a lovely colonial town in central Mexico. This means it is not on the Pacific coast, or on the Atlantic coast, or in the Caribbean. To further clarify, it is not on the beach, or near a beach.
If you have not traveled outside the US before, please consider taking a practice trip to another foreign country before visiting me. Learn to read maps, hail taxis, change money, and order from non-English-language menus.
If you will be arriving from a suburban environment that involves mostly driving around in your car, please understand that here in San Miguel it is necessary to walk to most destinations.
Consider purchasing a Spanish phrase book. Minimally learn to say “please” and “thank you” in Spanish. You can only imagine how awful I would sound in your favorite restaurant back home if I grunted, “coke,” “beer,” or “decaf.” Spanish is not some offshoot of Neanderthal; it is the language of Cervantes, Octavio Paz and Desi Arnaz.
Many establishments in San Miguel do not accept credit cards. There is a form of payment and exchange called “cash.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it. Please bring some.
Tipping is a simple matter of arithmetic. If your bill back home were $100, you would probably leave a $15 tip. If the bill here is 100 pesos—you would leave 15 pesos, not 2 pesos because the waiter will never see you again. He’ll see me again!
Don’t try to work it out to spend down to your last peso. I am happy to buy your unused pesos. This is far preferable to my subsidizing the last two days of your trip because you are “out of pesos.”
I will send you the email address of the airport shuttle when your travel arrangements are firm. As you know I have a car, you may be asking yourself, “Well, why doesn’t she offer to pick me up at the airport?” The answer is twofold. First, I don’t want to, and second, I have no idea how to get to the airport. I’ve gone there a million times in the shuttle, always heavily sedated on Dramamine.
Which brings us to the topic of Health Concerns.
The last time I checked, I was not a consultant for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta or the Director of the San Miguel Board of Health. I therefore do not know if every slice of raw onion or floweret of broccoli has been completely sanitized.
Please be assured that local restaurants are in the business of repeat customers and are careful in food preparation. I take precautions in my own kitchen by having very little food whatsoever.
How long you stay is up to you and how long you wish to remain my friend. Some friends unknowingly stay “too long.” This often happens when they elect to travel on mileage award tickets and can only choose from limited availability. A stay that involves a return flight more than seven days after your arrival is considered “too long.”
A hostess gift is completely unnecessary. Evidence of your return flight or ongoing travel, in the form of a paper or E-ticket, will more than suffice.
If you are bringing a child—and I hope you are not—please be advised that I do not have many of the electronic gadgets that are commonplace in the States. I do have a TV and a radio. I control the remote (husbands, take note).
In any case, children under one meter in height are not permitted in my house for safety reasons—their own safety, as I will murder them if any of my treasured Gorky ceramics are damaged.
Please remember that whereas you are on vacation, I am not. I have a busy social, work and volunteer life. I will include you whenever possible in my engagements. I will not be able to include you in some activities. These include: when I want to read a book, when I want to take a shower, when I’ve had it.
You are welcome to check your email daily. Some guests spend hours at my desk online everyday, emailing their entire contact list about their vacation. May I suggest going out and having a good time instead? You can tell your friends about your adventures when you return.
Some frequently asked questions about San Miguel:
Q. Are we under attack?
A. No.
Q. Then what are all those explosions?
A. A celebration.
Q. At 3am?
A. It’s more fun that way.
Q. Is this ice safe?
A. Yes.
Q. It’s noon. Can we have lunch?
A. No.
Q. Do you think I should change more money?
A. Yes.
Q. Why is it so cold? I thought this was Mexico.
A. I’m tired of this one.
Q. Do you really have four cats?
A. Yes.
Q. Can you keep your cats out of my room?
A. No, it’s their room.
San Miguel de Allende and the surrounding areas are resplendent with beautiful and original handicrafts. Shopping is limited only by your budget and luggage space.
“Well, how about shipping?” you may ask. Yes, indeed, there are many shipping enterprises in town that do a good job with packing and crating. But a shipping arrangement is between you and the agent, not between me and the agent. Your shipping arrangements should be made at least 24 hours before your departure. Any purchases that, at the last minute, you want me “to take care of” will be offered to the next Patronato Pro Niños silent auction.
There are several beautiful and interesting destinations in the area for excursions. Atotonilco, Dolores Hidalgo, Guanajuato and Querétaro are among them. I can testify to this, as I have been to each of these places approximately one billion times. I will be happy to accompany you to one of the above. The others are easily reached by bus or taxi. There is one caveat. If it becomes obvious that you mean to go into every ceramic shop in Dolores Hidalgo, I will hand you bus fare and a map to the bus station.Hopefully this information has helped prepare you for your visit.
Oh, and did I mention that there are many lovely hotels in San Miguel in all price ranges?
Being a
guest in San Miguel (or anywhere else)
By Edward Rapp
The vacation season is about to begin, and for those living in San Miguel, that means visitors. This is a source of frequent complaint among residents, although I cannot see why. If you don’t want house guests, you simply say that you’re busy or you’re suffering from a contagious disease.
People who want to come stay with you are likely your friends, so there’s no reason not to welcome them and enjoy their company. Limits and rules are needed, however. The following guidelines—unwritten but ruthlessly enforced—ensure tranquility in our house.
As a guest, assume that your hosts have conservative values until there is evidence to the contrary. Do not walk around the place half-naked until you have seen your host and/or hostess doing so. At our place, this would involve a long wait.
Do not leave false teeth soaking in the shared bathroom. They terrify infants and upset everyone else.
Attempted seduction of the host or hostess always creates more problems than it solves.
It is permissible—even obligatory—to arrive bearing flowers and champagne, or simply the latest stateside magazines … but not lasagna. However much you may like it, the gift—either hot or cold—reflects on the culinary prowess of the hostess.
Your children’s little foibles, although infinitely charming in themselves, do not always prove winning to others. Your offspring, therefore, should not (a) attempt to pull the tail off the host’s dog, (b) awaken at 4am demanding to be led to the VCR, (c) spit food on the floor, (d) rearrange the furniture in order to fight off an extraterrestrial attack, (e) smash the hosts’ kid’s train set or (f) vomit.
Being away from home does not get you out of washing the dishes. And references to the wonders of dishwashing machines, such as “the kind we have at home,” will not earn you brownie points.
When the host says to “make yourself at home,” don`t take him or her too seriously.
Never express anything other than admiration for your host’s house, food, children, garden, furniture or taste in potted plants. Misgivings or friendly advice on how to improve things always leads to tension. This is especially true when the advice is actually asked for. Oops! Simply say, “Everything is perfect already.”
By the same token, it is rarely a good idea to use the words “small” or “quaint” in relation to your host’s house or anything in it. Almost everyone thinks he has a big house. “Small” or “quaint” are good only for describing the footwear of the hostess.
Nomads in the Sahara consider it an affront if guests offer to buy their share of food and drink. Do not assume this criterion will apply here.
Keep snoring and late-night arguments to a minimum. Your hosts are accustomed to a certain set of noises. New sounds will destabilize them.
Avoid phrases such as: “You won`t be needing the car today, will you?” or “All you really need is a decent size swimming pool” or “If you don’t have time to run me over to the bank, you could always tide me over till Monday.”
Make your bed.
Smile a lot.
Be ill if you must, but go off someplace else to make your noises.
Take care where you leave your chewing gum.
Above all, recall Benjamin Franklin, who said, “After three days men grow weary of a wench, a guest, and rainy weather.”