The Intuitive Touch
By Dr. Jim Starr Bourque
October 17, 2008 San Miguel de Allende

Exploding the myth of the dysfunctional family

Were you raised in a dysfunctional family? Have you been told that you are a member of a dysfunctional family? The chances of your answering in the affirmative are very high. I would like to dispel the illusion that there is such a thing.

What I say here may be a little alarming, especially if you have been under psychological counseling as a result of your challenging childhood. It is not my intention to discredit your doctor’s or therapist’s treatment or counsel. I do intend, though, to shed some new light on this cliché called “dysfunctional” and how your childhood experiences are part of a greater vision of who you are today.

Would you agree that the war in Iraq, the fluctuation of the stock market, global warming and suicide bombings reflect a world of chaos?

If for just a minute you could rise above San Miguel, with its population growth and rising home prices, above the country with its drug wars and corruption, and even above the planet with its global warming and pollution, looking around you would see that the Earth is still gracefully orbiting the sun, which is gracefully floating among the planets that are part of an immense solar system, which is part of the infinite universe. When you look at that minute speck of a planet called Earth, you realize that it is part of a magnificent order, a divine plan. In spite of everything that you perceive as chaos, there is an order. Like the flea on a dog’s tail, we sometimes believe that Earth is all there is and that we humans are the center of the universe.

Sometimes our reality is an incredibly myopic view of actuality. Only when we rise above our own paradox in life can we see the bigger picture. Sages have told us all along that we should look at both sides of a challenge or problem in our life before we judge it. We are told that behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining and God doesn’t close a door without opening a window. The same holds true for the dysfunctional family with its “black sheep” and “white sheep.”

If parents reward the obedient child but punish the rebel, an interesting set of circumstances often occurs. The angel (white sheep) often relies so much on the reward system that he or she can become weak and dependent. Any adversity in life causes mommy and daddy to rush in to protect their little angel. The black sheep, when faced with a crisis, is often blamed for attracting the situation into his or her life and is left to suffer the consequences because it will be for his own good. As the children grow up we often see the angel turn weak and dependent while the little devil becomes battle-hardened and able to handle whatever crisis comes his or her way. As the black sheep grows successful because of his or her capabilities, in the eyes of the parents this child now is considered the angel, whereas the little angel who can’t handle the trials of life without parental protection becomes the black sheep, weak and dependent.

So what it the truth? The actuality is that we all have both a black sheep and a white sheep within us. It is part of the magnificence of being a human being. Sometimes we are aggressive, sometimes passive. Sometimes we are introverted, sometimes extroverted. We have every characteristic and use them at different times to serve us. It all depends on the circumstances we are in and how the events in our lives affect our value systems. The truth is that every family unit contains every characteristic. We may judge one as good and one as bad, but they all are serving us, as we serve them. If your experience dealing with alcoholic parents drove you to become a health fanatic, you may want to look again at the judgment of your difficult childhood and thank them instead of ridiculing them. If your father beat you as a child, your ability to protect yourself could one day save your life. How many childhood rape victims have become counselors so that others may not have to go through what they went through? How many 
bankruptcies have taught people to be more prudent with their incomes and not live beyond their means? To ignore the negative connotations of a dysfunctional family would be idiocy.

I am not suggesting that there are no downsides to some of these painful experiences, but we can’t ignore the benefits of family challenges while growing up. We all face challenges in our lives. Dr. Wayne Dyer, the bestselling author and spiritual leader, grew up in multiple orphanages and experienced many personal hardships with alcoholism before realizing that it was all part of a divine plan to serve others with his wisdom. There really are blessings in crisis, and wise people recognize them and apply them in their lives. 

The term dysfunctional family really refers to the lessons from childhood that have helped determine your value system. What you do with those experiences is your choice. You may sit and whine about what you have failed to achieve in life and blame your childhood. There are many benefits to whining. You receive comfort and attention; sometimes you are let off the hook because of your dysfunctional upbringing. Others also benefit from your illusion of dysfunction. People get to open their hearts, and even their wallets, to help the poor, dysfunctional person. Counselors gain more income through sessions and new books are written on the subject. The universal law is that everything serves. I say that boldly and with certainty. If there is a God, and God is omnipotent and omnipresent, then God must be present in those experiences. If this God is only love, then in these experiences we continue to learn to love. The drug addict who blames his childhood on his weakness will continue to self-destruct until he decid
es to raise his self-esteem and say “enough.” Until he learns his own personal value he will continue to destroy his body and mind. It is part of the magnificence of learning to love. When we rise above the paradoxes of our lives and our world, we can see the perfect order of the universe. There really is order in chaos; we only have to look for it. I believe the term dysfunctional is an illusion. 

Dr. Jim Bourke Starr and his wife, Araceli, live in San Miguel. He teaches courses in metaphysics and sacred healing and has practiced chiropractic for over 30 years. He can be reached at The Holistic and Chiropractic Center in La Lejona, 152-1761.

Listening to Your Body
By Richard Adelman

Twenty ways not to fall

Your goal: Not becoming one of the fallen women or men of San Miguel.

Your means: Learning to be in contact with your body while walking. 

Your method: Slowing yourself down.

Reaching this goal will require a proactive attitude and conscious, deliberate effort. You will need to learn to anticipate and plan your walking. You should practice stability exercises occasionally when you are not walking. These exercises will keep your unconscious postural mechanisms in good shape so they can take over when you need them.

It is important to develop a practice or ritual to ground yourself in your body and on the ground in preparation for walking—for instance, before you leave the house, or when you leave a restaurant or shop.

At first, learning to stay “inside yourself” while walking may require constant reminders. 

Finally you will need to observe common sense guidelines such as wearing good shoes and appropriate glasses, taking special care after drinking alcohol, avoiding distractions, and—above all—watching where you are going! In any case, here’s the list.

1. Try to stop denying your vulnerability: “Pride goeth before a fall.”

2. Take yourself seriously.

3. Take yourself in hand.

4. Act your age. Recognize and respect the slower rhythm and processing time that your aging process has brought you.

5. Plan ahead, anticipating dangerous situations. Take the time to make a map in your brain of all the places you go to which you might be returning.

6. Look where you are going. Be prepared to make adjustments for uneven or slippery surfaces and obstacles (including people).

7. Work on your attitude. Try to go beyond being annoyed or angry at the challenging San Miguel streets. It will not help you to adapt. 

8. Develop a grounding ritual or practice to use before you go out, and which you can repeat from time to time while you are out. 

9. Wear secure shoes with non-slippery soles. Sandals are not shoes.

10. Troubleshoot your house—get rid of throw rugs, for example.

11. Don’t wear bifocals outdoors.

12. Use hand gestures to ground, contain, focus and stabilize yourself. These gestures come from Somatic Psychology and have been very useful for my clients.

13. Practice static and weight-shifting standing balance exercises. Learn to walk backwards and sideways.

14. Work on your standing stability in easy, non-weight-bearing sitting and lying exercises.

15. Swing your arms to regulate your walking stride and rhythm.

16. Address neuromuscular and joint issues that distort your posture and compromise coordination and adaptability.

17. Remember, doing any of the above will require new learning, which means patience, repetition, trial-and-error and assimilation time.

18. If you do start to fall, try not to look at the ground. Allow your knees to bend and let yourself sink toward the ground. Rolling toward the side and landing on your shoulder is better than trying to stop your fall with your hands. Some people even practice falling this way on a bed. 

19. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing any of the above.

20. Don’t give up. Whatever you do to help yourself will be worthwhile.

Richard Adelman (M.A., psychology) is certified in both Feldenkrais and Pilates and has nearly 40 years' experience as a movement educator. His San Miguel cell is 044 (415) 114-3069; email richardadelman@gmail. He practices monthly in San Miguel at LifePath (www.lifepathretreats.com).

Health & Safety in Mexico
By Robert H. Page, MD and Curtis P. Page, MD

Stings, bites and scratches from animals and insects

Visitors to Mexico should be aware that problems may arise when bites, stings or scratches occur. We have reviewed the main causes below, along with suggestions for how to treat them. As always, when possible consult with a physician if first aid is not enough. 

Human and animal bites

Unlike other cuts or wounds, a human or animal bite that breaks the skin may transfer large quantities of bacteria that can cause a spreading infection of the skin called “cellulitis.” Teeth can also puncture deep into the skin, depositing bacteria that cannot drain to the surface or be reached with topical remedies. These bacteria may be so aggressive and hard to reach that oral antibiotics are necessary to prevent more serious infection. 

We treat these wounds with ampicillin/sulbactam (Augmentin, 875 mg/125 mg). If you are allergic to penicillin, use cefuroxime (Ceftin) or cefprozil (Cefzil). (See www.medtogo.com for medication guidelines.) If you have not received a tetanus shot in the previous five years, ask a local doctor for a tetanus booster. 

Keep the wound clean and dry. If the bite is on an arm or leg, elevate the limb above the level of the heart. Use light, sterile bandages rather than constricting wraps. Most bites are on a limb; soak the affected area in warm, soapy water two or three times a day to assist in recovery. If superficial or deep tissue infection develops despite oral antibiotic therapy, consult a local physician immediately. Deep puncture wounds are more susceptible to aggressive, spreading infection that may require intravenous antibiotics or surgery.

If your immune system is weakened, or if you have chronic medical problems such as diabetes, poor circulation or severe heart disease, always consult with a physician about skin infections because they can develop into more serious problems. 

Animal control and rabies vaccinations are less rigorously enforced in Mexico than in the US. Therefore, always assume a risk of rabies in an undomesticated, stray or unhealthy animal, as well as in bat, raccoon, fox or skunk bites. Consult with a physician to receive the appropriate rabies treatment. 

Spider bites

Most spider bites, although painful, are harmless. Brown recluse, black widow and some rare species may, however, cause skin damage from venom and are therefore worth mentioning. 

The brown recluse spider injects venom that can cause local skin and tissue death. Symptoms start about three to four hours after the bite with exaggerated pain, itching, swelling and redness. If left untreated, the process may stop there on its own or, in more severe cases, may result in extended tissue and nerve damage. If you suspect you have been bitten by a brown recluse spider, consult with a physician. Early treatment with Dapsone may halt the process. Cold compresses, wound cleansing, antihistamines (for itching), anti-inflammatory medications (e.g. Ibuprofen, Naproxen) and limb elevation are components of basic treatment. Always attempt to capture the spider for identification.

Black widow spider bites are identified as side-by-side pinpricks surrounded by small areas of redness and swelling. Many bites do not cause problems, but the ones that do start with painful muscle cramping of the affected limb within one hour of the bite. It is rare for severe problems to follow. If you suspect a black widow spider from the classic bite pattern and painful muscle cramping, seek medical attention. Antivenom is available in the US but we have not documented availability at specific hospitals in Mexico. Again, always attempt to capture the spider for identification. 

Bee, wasp, hornet and fire ant stings

Stings from these insects are typically limited to annoying pain, itching and redness. Applying ice and taking acetaminophen (Tylenol) may relieve pain and discomfort, and over-the-counter antihistamines such as diphenhydramine (Benadryl) or clemastine (Tavist) can help reduce itching. If local yet mild symptoms persist, you may apply 1% hydrocortisone cream or make a paste of baking soda and water and apply it to the skin. Do this at least twice daily to relieve your symptoms, which should ease after two days. If the redness spreads to more than two inches from the site of the bite, seek medical attention. 

Rarely, individuals may develop potentially life-threatening allergic reactions to stings. If you develop difficulty breathing, a rapid heart rate, swelling about the face or mouth, nausea and/or vomiting, hives, dizziness or mental confusion after an insect bite, seek medical attention immediately. 

Anyone with a history of such reactions should always carry epinephrine for injection. If you do not start treatment shortly after the sting, you may experience severe breathing difficulties, blood pressure collapse and, in some cases, death. Most epinephrine kits contain injection instructions (see www.medtogo.com for epinephrine/epipen guidelines).

Robert H. Page, MD and Curtis P. Page, MD are authors of the MEXICO: Health and Safety Travel Guide and the Healthy Traveler Regional Series. For more information visit medtogo.com. 

Copyright 2008 MedToGo, LLC. Reproduced with permission.