When serious illness strikes
By Lee Carter
October 10, 2008 San Miguel de Allende

Finding out that a family member is seriously ill is really tough. You have to work through issues you may never have had to face before. You may feel, as when navigating a strange city, that you are lost and need a few signposts to help you find your way. Following are some suggestions to help you navigate:

1. Check out your surroundings. It is important to understand and become familiar with the sickness that your family member is facing. If you don’t know the facts, you will be living with a lot of anxiety, fearing the worst. Also, if the news is bad, you need time to adjust. Learn the facts and the long-term outlook and begin to focus on how you will need to change your routines. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

2. Stop and ask for directions. When you are lost, you stop and ask for directions. An illness is no different. Get directions and information from experts and don’t rely on hearsay from friends. Find a person with whom you can cry, talk or even yell. It is important to get your feelings out. Asking is a sign of strength, not weakness—the strength of knowing what you need to know and how to get it.

3. Don’t forget to look at the scenery. Even if you are lost, there is new scenery to see and an opportunity to learn and grow. If you are caring for someone who is ill, don’t get caught in the disease process and forget to see the beauty of the person who is sick. Take extra time to talk. Learn things you never knew about them. See that there is a blessing in all things, and this may be a chance to really come to know your loved one more deeply. Drive slowly and enjoy the opportunities that are presented along the way.

4. Learn to live with the unknown. At this moment you may feel lost, but eventually you will find your way. Remember patience. Accept that, for the time being, your life will be different and perhaps you will postpone certain plans and hopes. Learn to lean on your friends and guides for support. Stay active. Activities with others give you additional people to draw on for support, and staying active helps take your mind off the illness, giving life a sense of being OK again. That is important.

5. Look ahead. You are driving through unknown territory as you learn to live with the illness of your family member. Patience, a sense of humor, a belief in yourself and a willingness to ask for directions can help you get through the tough times and find your way home. 

Hospice San Miguel is here to help you to learn, plan and help the patient and the family. Regardless of whether the patient needs hospice care, you might want to use our resources to help you prepare and put you back on the right road.
.

 

.