Hospice San Miguel reaches out to children
By Carol Schmidt

Alicia Murias, Grief Counselor (from left); Leticia Gonzalez, Director of Mexican Services; and Anne Howells, Social Work Coordinator are spearheading a pilot Child Bereavement Program for Hospice San Miguel

A father who leaves for the US to work, a mother who dies in childbirth, a favorite sister who leaves home to marry, a brother who is killed in an accident—these experiences affect young children. They, too, suffer and often have no idea what is happening with their emotions and what to do about their grief.

Mexican society is emotional in some arenas where people are free to express their feelings, such as masked dancers during fiestas. At the same time it can be resistant to the idea of talking openly about painful loss, even during Day of the Dead ceremonies, which are often portrayed as joyous reunions with departed loved ones.

To a child, the experience may not be all that joyous, reopening wounds that never healed.

Children are often considered resilient, even unaware of what is happening around them, and are often silenced by a surviving parent who is too wrapped up in grieving to help the children understand these changes in their world and their emotions. Their repressed and misunderstood grief may cripple them for years, if they never learn to understand and accept their loss and their stages of grieving.

Hospice San Miguel, already an innovative program for Mexico providing assistance for those with terminal illness and their families, has initiated a pilot Child Bereavement Program to see how school children can learn to talk about their emotions, particularly around the loss of a family member. Organizers believe it is the only such program in Mexico and even in the United States and Canada. The initial stages of the program are being monitored closely, and statistics are being gathered to verify that the program is indeed accomplishing its goals, as early results indicate it does. 

The program’s first stage was November 6 to 27 at Carrusel Montessori School for children age four to six. Parents from both schools learned about the successful results of the first stage at a joint meeting January 28 at Carrusel. 

The program launched its second stage, reaching out to older children age eight to thirteen at Atabal School over the four-week period of February 4 to 24.

A Parents/Kids Camp March 27 aimed to integrate the experiences for all of the participants with such activities as games, skits, readings, and displays of the art the children did during the sessions, with discussions to help families learn more about handling grief and other strong emotions as a family unit. 

The idea for a Child Bereavement Program in schools began with a woman who picked up a flyer about Hospice San Miguel in the Jardin. A teacher who had just lost her husband, she participated in bereavement sessions at Hospice and also sought assistance for her young children in understanding the loss of their father. Grief counselor Alicia Murias worked with the preschoolers, and the grateful mother brought up the idea of reaching out to all the children at Carrusel School where she teaches.

Hospice San Miguel’s Leticia Gonzalez, Director of Mexican Services, and Anne Howells, Social Work Coordinator, worked with Mark Baker, the Hospice Director, to develop a pilot program. The Carrusel students were divided into two smaller groups by age. These groups included both English and Spanish speaking children, with Spanish speakers in the majority.

Anne Howells, trained as an art therapist and social worker, leads the first sessions gently by asking the children to draw pictures about anything that they have lost in their lives. She suggests they think about a dog that has died, or a bird they used to watch who one day flew away and never came back, or a beautiful flowering plant that shriveled away.

Alicia Murias leads the last two sessions, where children draw their families and themselves, including those who are missing from the family picture. In these sessions, the program begins to talk about serious losses the children may have experienced.

“This is the stage at which individual problems which may require additional counseling will come out. A child may draw a fragmented body, or portray the home as a prison,” Howells explains. “When we detect children with serious problems, we work to get them assistance.”

“San Miguel is basically a small traditional town,” Gonzalez adds. “We don't have the psychological staff that is available at a major school district like Mexico City. We find what resources we can that are suited to the needs that arise.

“But this is not just a screening program to detect those with critical problems; it is an educational experience to help all children and their families.”

In the final session, Murias leads the children into discussions of what they think happens after death. She reads a short story called “The Dragonfly” to the children in Spanish and then Howells reads it in English. The story is about a group of water bug friends who wonder what happens when another water bug suddenly disappears and is never seen again. 

“We don't get into spirituality directly, and in no way bring in any religious teachings,” Gonzalez says. “Children share what they think happens when you die, and there is a range of ideas, and all ideas are welcomed.

“We know some parents will be concerned that we might contradict what they are teaching their children about spirituality. We are careful to not consider any idea right or wrong. We only touch on spiritual issues as they arise and allow the children to talk about what they think and how they understand the concept of dying.”

As the program progresses, the parents and older children are being given questionnaires both before and after the sessions, to measure their attitudes and see what value they have found in the program. These questionnaires will be used for a statistical analysis from which a research paper will be written and submitted to professional journals.

At the moment the Child Bereavement Program is operating on a zero budget, expenses being subsidized by Hospice San Miguel. But there are hopes that outside funding may be found to allow the program to expand to more and more schools.

Gonzalez has developed a presentation for new schools on the need for balance and understanding before learning can happen. “We're all going to die, and we don't talk about it,” she says bluntly. “All of us are in denial about this most important event coming in all our lives. Death and grieving are important to talk about and accept if we are to live our lives fully. And it is easier to achieve this balance if we start out with the concepts as children.”

As the program develops, ideas keep emerging to make the sessions more interactive. Songs, games, plays, books, and art projects such as creating boxes of memories, or even a student's personal Day of the Dead altar for a loved one are being considered.

To make a donation for expansion of the Child Bereavement Program, to arrange a presentation at a new school, or to learn more about the program in general, contact Leticia Gonzalez at Hospice San Miguel at (415) 154-4287, or email lego_2000_mx@yahoo.com.mx.