Changing your habits, ruts and ditches with goals!
By Norman Araiza, M.A., April 13, 2007

Like it or not, we are all creatures of habit. When we repeat a task, in the same way, over and over again, it becomes a habit. Like getting dressed in the morning. Most of us get dressed in the same order every day. We go through our morning rituals on autopilot and we feel better that way. If that ritual is interrupted, for some reason, we may feel out of sorts all day. As if something isn’t quite right. Like not brushing our teeth or not taking a shower. 

Some habits are good, like buckling our seat belts. They keep us safe. Other habits are bad or annoying to others, like interrupting others when they are trying to speak. Or biting our fingernails. The other night a friend and I were in one of our local pubs watching a waitress biting her nails. Every time her hands were not busy doing something useful, up to her mouth they would go, as if connected to a rubber band over which she had no control. My friend grew concerned about her hygiene and the possible effect on customers. I remarked that he would probably concern himself less about kissing her. I’m sure she had no idea she was doing this to the extent she was.

We perform our habits without realizing we’re doing them; that’s why they are habits—because we do them habitually. We think of bad habits as actions that are bad for us or others, yet we continue to do them. 

Doing nothing can also be habitual. Many of us are in the habit of doing nothing; day after day, we seem to do nothing, at least nothing constructive. The truth of the matter is that we can’t do nothing. We may not know that we’re doing something, no matter how meaningless it is. We are, nonetheless, doing something, even if it’s just ruminating.

Over time, if a habit is a bad habit (like doing nothing), and we allow it to continue, our habit becomes a rut. When we’re in a mental rut we can continue to make forward progress, we just can’t control the direction in which we are traveling. Doing nothing takes up time. It does so, however, without positive direction. You know you’re in a mental rut when you just can’t seem to find something more satisfying to do and you keep doing the same old thing and it’s just not fun any more. Many of us fill our time with meaningless acts. We busy ourselves with life maintenance chores like doing our laundry or going to the bank. Thankfully, going to the bank in Mexico can fill an afternoon or a morning. It’s just not much of an accomplishment.

Habits give us comfort because they require no thought. They are easy, they occur unconsciously, but by the time they have become part of our mental rut they cease to give us comfort. Perhaps they just give us something to do. 

Habits we can break. Getting out of a rut is more difficult. They seem to keep us trapped unconsciously, in the same old, worn-out behaviors. The keyword is unconsciously! Becoming aware of our rut and admitting it to ourselves is the first step toward getting out of it.

Getting out of a rut requires a plan. We need to know how we are going to get out of our rut. Just making a decision isn’t enough. Usually we need to replace the old behavior with new, more satisfying, behaviors.

Then the hard work begins. Making a commitment that will stick requires accountability. Anyone can make a commitment, but without accountability it’s easy to not keep it. Who is going to know? Sharing that commitment with another person makes all the difference. When we have to account for our progress or lack of it, somehow it becomes more important. If we could get out of our rut without accountability, then by definition it was only a bad habit, not a rut.

If we stay in the rut long enough, our rut becomes a ditch. Usually we can extricate ourselves from ruts with a good plan and a strong commitment. If our car gets stuck in a ditch we usually know right away we won’t be able to get it out without professional help. So, we call a tow truck as soon as possible. Not so with mental ditches. Usually we only know we’re in a mental ditch when we try to get out of it and we fail. That’s when professional help is needed. How soon we seek that assistance is a comment on our personal evolution. Some people spend a lifetime in their own private, personal ditch. They don’t tell people they’re in a ditch. They are usually too embarrassed. They may not even admit it to themselves.

You can’t get out of a ditch without setting a goal and being very clear about it. We’ve all heard about the importance of goals. Goals, I believe, are not just important, they are everything! It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning without a reason, particularly when it’s cold. It’s warm in bed and we feel a sense of safety there. So, if there is no good reason to get up, why do it? For some of us, we may stay there until hunger drives us out of our warm little nests. Then, after securing little munchies, many of us return to our sleep machines, hiding from the day. Well, what’s wrong with that? Someone might say, “I worked all my life and there were many days I wished I could do just that. Well, now I can, so I will.” That’s fine, but remember, what we can’t have, grows in value. When we can do it every day somehow it turns into boredom. Or it loses its value and before we know it, it has become a habit. Others can’t seem to stay in bed after they wake up. They spring from their beds like they were shot 
from a cannon, attacking the day with great enthusiasm. What’s the difference in these two? Usually, the difference is goals. Goals give us direction. They give our life meaning. They give us a reason to be. They don’t have to be lofty or noble. Any goal will do. Hopefully, one goal will lead to other goals. Before we know it, reaching those goals becomes a habit.

Norman Araiza, M.A., is an American-trained psychotherapist enjoying a limited practice in SMA. He can be reached at 152-5454, Email: 2gatos10@cybermatsa.com.mx .