Well-Being
By Norman Araiza, M.A. June 16, 2006


The healing power of groups, Part II

What makes the group experience so elusive is the reluctance of individuals to participate. In my 30 years of experience facilitating groups, I have yet to come across a client who considered him- or herself a "group person." On the contrary, people in general tend to shy away from the group experience. Invariably, when discussing the candidacy of a client for a particular group, it is always met with resistance, trepidation and avoidance. Perhaps it's because of the misconceptions that were generated in the 1960s and '70s when "encounter groups" were popular-or infamous, I might say. In these early days, participants were sometimes permitted to aggressively question or sometimes attack with little concern for the defenses and ability of the participant to cope with this confrontation. Under the guise of honesty and authenticity, participants were sometimes allowed to devastate other participants with their judgments and opinions. Thankfully, we have come a long way in our understanding of group dynamics since those days.

The old encounter groups of the past have given way to problem-specific support groups. As an example, grieving and loss support groups are very effective in helping bereaved persons heal and move on with their lives. Support groups for the recently divorced are popular ways of adjusting to this profound change in life. Cancer support groups for family members as well as for patients are commonly prescribed by treating physicians. The traditional medical community has been slow to learn but has become aware of the many benefits of patients helping patients. There is something very powerful about patients sharing their own experiences with other persons who are not as far along in the healing process. The understanding and encouragement from a person who has gone through what the patient is now going through is powerful medicine, far more healing than any drug or prescription.

The full understanding of our healing process still eludes us. However, it is our nature to be gregarious for many reasons. Just one of those reasons, I believe, is that we are basically self-regulating systems capable of correcting most maladies that besiege us. But, it also appears, we can't do it alone. We appear to need at least another, if not others, who becomes the vehicle for our healing. In A.A. they say "you alone can do it, but you can't do it alone." This is one explanation for the power of the group.

In addition to the problem specific support groups, there are general therapeutic support groups for those individuals who are in the adjustment phase of living in a new culture. Included in this group are those people who lack sufficient social involvements and want to increase the intimacy in their lives. There are also singles support groups exclusively for men, women or mixed groups. In all groups, participants are encouraged to exchange telephone numbers and to meet outside of the group socially.

Couples groups are a fun way of learning more effective ways of relating and increasing joy by enhancing the relationship.

Conflict resolution, fair fighting techniques and communication exercises help couples get past obstacles and negative emotions that can stymie any relationship. Once the couples get to know one another and trust develops, the sessions are punctuated with laughter and the realization that we are so very much alike.

It is quite common for a person who has been in a group for a few weeks to come to me privately and say, "I think I'm going to drop out of group. I'm not getting much out of it." My routine answer is, "Come one more time, but this time I want you to make a contract with me that you will start the group off by saying you want to talk about yourself." Invariably, the next week they report they really liked the group this week.

Getting what you want from a group doesn't just happen. As with any new experience, you have to learn how it works. The members who have been in a group the longest seem to draw the most benefit from it. That's because they have grown and learned how to get their needs met. We all have needs for attention. It's how we get that attention that makes the difference. I can think of no safer place to experiment with new behaviors than in a group, where you will get honest feedback, if you want it. Groups are all about trust and risk. The more trust and risk on your part, the more you will get from the experience. In the beginning, the group isn't formed. It's just a collection of people. Something has to happen to begin the process, and a group is all about process. Someone will share a poignant issue about why he or she is there, then people will empathize, connections at some level are made and trust begets trust. Once the group has processed and trust is developed, deeper levels of intimacy may be reached. It is said that a group has "formed" when the participants know exactly who isn't "there" yet.

In the early stage of a group, an orientation is essential and the group talks about what they need from the group to feel safe. Rules, if any, are decided upon and commitments of involvement are requested. Normally, a 10-week commitment is necessary to ensure committed participation. Once the group has formed, intrusion by any outsider is immediately felt and the normal processing will change until the outsider becomes a part of the group. Once group cohesion is achieved and members feel they can safely discuss any personal issue, the true magic of a group occurs. There is something truly magical and healing about the acceptance and support from a group of people whom you have trusted and opened yourself to. That kind of intimacy is powerful and profound. I feel privileged to have been involved in at least one group most of my adult life. For those of you who have not taken part in the group experience, you have avoided what I believe should be mandatory for all those living on the planet.

I am interested in speaking to those of you who are curious about the benefits you might receive from involving yourself in a group of some sort. I am open to facilitating the following groups: general support, exclusively men, exclusively women, couples, single, divorced, codependent, recovery and loss/grief groups.


Norman Araiza, M.A., is a US-trained psychotherapist enjoying a limited practice in San Miguel. He can be reached at 152-5449 or nearaiza@hotmail.com.