Managing your relationship with your child’s school
By James Olsen, Ph.D. 

In any school, parents want the ideal teacher and naturally that teacher wants the ideal parent. A recent survey of teachers, The Met Life Survey of the American Teacher, states that teachers feel that the “most treacherous aspect of their job” is managing the relationship with the parent. Most teachers feel that many parents act as if the school is their adversary. Many parents feel that the school and the teacher could be doing far more for their kid.

I showed my age recently when my brother-in-law, who is a high school principal, remarked that his school’s lawyer is very busy right now. “The school’s lawyer?” I asked. “Why does a school need a lawyer when most schools don’t even have a guidance counselor or a phys ed teacher?” He laughed at my naiveté.

The trust isn’t there. There was a nexus of trust and confidence between my school and my parents. If I did something wrong I could expect to be disciplined at school and at home as well. Even if the teacher was wrong, he was right. If the parent had a bone to pick, that was a private conversation. 

From the teacher’s standpoint, the parents he or she wants to see usually don’t show up and the ones he could miss seeing because their children are doing well are there. When Woody Allen was an aspiring actor he went to the “cattle calls” or auditions for parts in plays and movies. In later years when he was asked the secret to his professional success, he replied: “I always showed up for the auditions.” Showing up for parent/teacher conferences is critically important, particularly if your child is not doing well. Knowledge of what the child is actually doing academically is also very important. Read the youngster’s notebook, look at the textbooks, review the actual tests to see where mistakes were made, not only the final scores. 

The fact you dropped your child off at school on time and believe the school should take it from there is shortsighted and won’t get you what you want for your child. You need to become that teacher’s partner, listen to what’s said and follow up on it. When there is a conflict or a discrepancy between what the child and the teacher says, as far as the child is concerned, you’re on the side of the teacher. As far as your child is concerned, the teacher, whether it’s true or not, should be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Ask the teacher right in front of the child what you can do to help him and then mutually agree on a course of action.

A good school is like an extended family. That means small classes, ideally no more than 12 to 15 kids in a class. The larger the class, the less individual attention any one child can receive and the less time the teacher has to talk personally to or work with a youngster. The fewer the number of children in a class, the more tuition a parent has to pay. In education as in most things in life, you get what you pay for and the less you pay, the less you get. 

If your child needs extra help you can either help him yourself or be prepared to pay for it. Perhaps you can hire his classroom teacher to tutor him. Who knows him better? Don’t wait for problems to grow and fester. Don’t wait for failure. Do it now.

You can contact the Olsens with your questions and problems by calling 154-4374 or email sml 154-4374@prodigy.net.mx.