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Soul Connection


By Marcia Wolff

All doubt, despair, and fear become insignificant once the intention of life becomes love. Rumi


It seems so easy to set an intention to love as our main purpose of life. Certainly, we don’t want to live from fear, despair, and doubt. But part of the human condition provides boulders, blocks, and obstructions to our higher vision. We must mature some and become observant of our doubts, despair, and fear. Rarely are we perfect, except at birth. Still, we must grow. And growth usually comes about from frictions that may bring pain. Some pains help us awaken to our truer selves.

When we really want something in our life, such as loving relationships, we often trip over experiences that make us doubt ourselves. This is the time to examine doubts, to see if our beliefs are valid or are distorted due to a conclusion we’ve decided about ourselves from the place of a toddler, or young child. While we may have strong feelings from an incident in the past, at these early developmental stages we don’t have the skills to see the big picture, nor do we have the ability of clear discernment. This is a good time to reevaluate conclusions we’ve made about ourselves or others. Such doubts as “I’m unlovable,” or “I’m unworthy” are misinformation about ourselves.

We are loveable and worthy. We came in that way. Things along the way brought us to an invalid truth. We need to take an authentic look at ourselves with kindness and wisdom. If our caretakers lost their tempers, drank too much, and slipped up as parents, they also have distorted perceptions from their childhoods. Understanding this doesn’t take the hurt away, but it helps us mature and attend to our wounds that created doubts and fears.

The intention to love is a beautiful path, but it is not a straight line. There are many diversions that take us away from this journey, circular routes, and repetitive patterns that we must unravel in order to return to our original intention. Our brain has been conditioned toward repetition. It is our responsibility to unlearn patterns and create new neural connections, a more truthful and heartful highway around the old one.

The intention to love must begin with ourselves. Yes, we’ve been encouraged to find the right one who will restore us, heal us. Sometimes this happens, but most often we begin within ourselves, with nurture, warmth, and compassion. If we are stymied by how to do this, we ask our higher selves for guidance. An answer will come, softly; trust it. It may feel strange, but eventually we begin to feel more upright, supported, and full. This is a better way to enter loving relationships with a significant other, as well as with friends and acquaintances.

Marcia Wolff, M.A. earned a Master of Counseling Psychology from Southwestern College and was licensed in New Mexico. Contact her at


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