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Making Soul Connections

By Marcia Wolff

Self-blessing does not mean pounding our chests and bragging about how fantastic we are. It’s a lot subtler than this. It’s when we recognize ourselves, our gifts, our talents, and our skills. It’s when we recognize the qualities that come forward consistently as something comfortable and essential in us. It’s not necessary to say anything; it is necessary to begin to see it, to be aware, and to acknowledge it and say, “Yes, this is me.”

Our true nature can get buried, particularly in our early years. We are all subjected to cultural and religious values (even if not raised in a religion.) They live and breathe in us, learned in school, learned in history classes, learned at home, learned in church, temple, or mosque, or from the news media. While not all values learned early on are negative, some of these cultural and religious values can press down heavily on our truer nature. They can permeate our beliefs with guilt and shame. They can make us shrink and grow rigid out of fear. We can come to believe that we are sinful, unworthy, or unwholesome. For the most part, we aren’t aware of this in us until we are in adolescence and beyond, when we feel triggered by a discussion in high school or college, and we express ourselves. When we are judged for an assertion we make, we shrink back into the container of our conditioned personality, fearing rejection or diminishment. We are living in a dual consciousness, that of our conditioned self (false personality) and that of our true nature.

When we notice that we keep being attracted to people who are highly critical, who judge our most tender and vulnerable parts, we need to pull back from these people. We need to check out how we were conditioned early on and then begin to see that where these wounds are is where our gifts lie. Most important is getting clarity that our tenderness, our strong need for honesty, our humor, and our creativity are parts of our truer nature. Instead of believing there is something wrong with us, that we are weak, frail, or weird, we need to honor these qualities in us.

Here is where the flower can begin to bloom. Here is where we “reteach a thing its loveliness.” Here is where self-acceptance and self-respect resides. Here is where we develop inner unity.

Marcia Wolff, M.A. earned a master’s degree in counseling psychology and was licensed in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Contact her at


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